Confessions of Prejudices

I found myself having trouble trusting Ugandans knowledge on certain things. (not trusting them as a person, just their knowledge on certain things)It was not like I consciously was thinking, "These people are stupid, I can not trust them." It was more like, I noticed after a few minutes that I was kind of disregarding what they were saying.

This has only really happened a few times, but I still would like to get rid of it. For instance:

I had a wound on my my knee that seemed to be infected. Esther is one of the Ugandan volunteer mothers at the baby home who has training as a nurse. (she is not a RN, but she is somewhere in the process of that) One day, a Western nurse, along with some other western women, came to visit the baby home and saw my knee. She, and the other women, started telling me some things I should do for it. I listened to them as if they were doctors themselves. Registering every word. And then I promptly followed their advice.

Later that day, Esther saw my knee and started telling me something I should do also. I noticed that, though I heard what she was saying, I was pretty much throwing it aside. I had already gotten my advice from a qualified Western nurse, who speaks my same language, so it was very easy to understand exactly what she was telling me to do. I don't need any Ugandan remedies from a somewhat qualified Ugandan. That is not what I was consciously thinking, but somewhere in the subconscious I'm pretty sure that is what was happening. A little later, after trying the Westerner's advice and not seeing any immediate results (which was not expected anyways), and after realizing my prejudice, I went back to Esther and asked again what I should do. This time I followed her advice, got the oinment she swears by, put it on my knee, and sure enough--healing occurred. I continued to follow her advice the next few days and my knee was all but healed.

I noticed I did this with other Ugandans that were telling me what to do for my wound. They were basically telling me the same at the Westerner, but I totally put their words in a different category. Now some of that is justified because 1. It is hard to understand their English sometimes, so to follow medical advice that you can not complete understand is a little unnerving and 2. I do think, if given the option of listening to an "expert" or "professional" in a certain area and a person who only has limited knowledge on something, I think most of us would choose the expert (most of the time).

But I do not want to just dismiss what people are saying because I can not COMPLETELY understand them, therefore they sound less smart; or because I simply do not deem them worthy to give advice on a certain subject. I want to hear people out. All people. Weigh their advice. Give it a chance. Try it out.

As I've mentioned in a previous blog, we can not really help that we have prejudices. All of us have them whether we admit it or not. Everyone.

The test comes when we decide 1. to try to be aware of our prejudcies rather them be ignorant and ignore them and 2. what we do with the prejudices once we have recognized them.

I'll be the first to admit i am prejudice about some things. And i'm always discovering another prejudice that disgusts me and brings me to my knees in humility. I will also admit that it is hard not to act on them. They seem so justified.

I simply continue to pray that the Lord will have grace on me so that I may have grace on others and continued to be humbled, and continue to turn from my hurtful human ways.

Confessions of Comfort

I have another confession.

This one really surprised me.

My first day at the baby home, it was hard for me to really embrace the babies.

Their skin and hair was greasy. Some of their skin had weird things on it. They were not clean and groomed perfectly like the rich, white babies I was used to.

I was weirded-out and upset about the way I felt so distant from them.

Simply because—its not what I was used to. These babies were different. They were not what I was used to cuddling with, touching, rubbing my face against, etc. So I couldn’t just jump right in and embrace them as my own.

I don’t like this about me (most of us, as humans). I don’t like that because something/someone is so different than me and what I’m used to, I do not love/like them as much. I cannot embrace them like I would someone/something that I am simply “used to.”

This is a sad thing about us as humans. It contributes to so much hate, animosity, war, and pain in the world. Just because something is different. Just because we are not used to it. We run away. We jump to conclusions. We act distant and cold.

Sure, we cannot really help our natural reactions. Its just the way it is. BUT we can fight it. We can react naturally, but then quickly become aware of it and change it. We can fight that instinct. We can force ourselves to be around the “different” until it does not become “different” anymore.

I will be the first to admit that it is REALLY hard.

I really experienced this with the Momen kids I’ve hung out with for a few years. They are a family of inner-city, low-income, “ghetto” black kids. There are many things that made them so “different” than me and made me want to run away cause I just didn’t know what to do with it. I also experienced this by going to the “homeless potlucks,” where a bunch of homeless and/or poor people came to the park and a bunch of us non-homeless/poor people brought food and we all just hung out and talked for a while, every weekend. There were SO many times that I just wanted to run away. Not because they were mean, not because they hurt me. Simply because they were SO different and I just didn’t know how to handle it. I felt like I couldn’t relate. I just felt so distant.

But in both these situations, I forced myself to stick around until they became, “not so different.” Until I became used to them. Sure, I wouldn’t say that we are exactly the same now—but they did become “not so different.” I did become used to them.

And it was beautiful.

The same thing happened with the babies. But it only took about 2 days with them. Hah.

Really, after 2 days it was as if I was black or something. I completely got used to them and now I just can’t let go of them. Now I’m like—bring on all the black babies! I’ll embrace all their differences!

(this probably is not true. There are probably still lots of differences ill need to get used to with each individual, but you know what I mean.)

Fun All Around

The kids love when I make silly faces. . .and when you don't speak the same language, you have to revert back to the language all kids speak = Silly-Face language. And this is how they communicate back to you. . .




Yes, laugh it up. But if you have never played the "raspberry picture" game, then you are missing out on much laughter the Lord wants to bless you with. For those of you who have played it before, you've seen this face already. But for those of you who have not, stop laughing at me, get some friends, and take pictures of each other blowing raspberries. Its the best thing since sliced-bread.

This is Mary by the way.

And this is Irene.

There's my girl. =)

Christine and Olga playing. It's just so funny to see little 5 year olds, carrying around big 2 year olds on their backs all the time.

Mexican food in Uganda! What?! And it was pretty good! We had a fun night out!

They had "salsa lessons" so of course we were all over that. The instructor was this little, old Ugandan guy. He was hilarious. The room was filled with Ugandans. It wasn't intense salsa-ing at all. And some of it wasn't even salsa to begin with. But the point is--it was fun! And I can't dance well, so I was glad it wasn't hardcore!

The cute little guy in front is the instructor!

Emily saying, "Juliette, why are you taking a picture of me when I don't know what the heck i'm doing?"

Cheesing it up!

So apparently our commitment to ARMs does not allow us to drink alcohol. So we lived it up with a wonderful Virgin strawberry margarita! And I've already told Emily she's gotta take me out in Nashville!

Having fun with my new favorite: Aiden. I'm taking him home with me, I've decided.

Family photos! Aren't they precious??? You can imagine how much fun it was trying to take a group picture of 4 infants!!!

Confessions of Inexperience

I have come to the conclusion that I (we) really don’t know anything about anything until we have experienced it.

I would have agreed with that statement even before this experience, I think, but now I am proclaiming it loudly.

We can say, “Oh in that situation I KNOW I will do this. Or be that. Or choose this action.”

But we really do not know until we are in the situation. At most, we can HOPE we will do a certain thing.

This fact has been proven to me over the past few years when I have acted in ways that I thought for sure I would not have acted if I was to be in that situation.

And then being here in Uganda, in a completely different culture, with no one who truly knows me, with nothing I am used to—I have definitely been humbled to the point of being able to admit that we really do not know things for sure until we have experienced them.

I think we can know some objective truths about certain things outside of ourselves, but the self, the psyche, the human mind/heart—it is just so complex; ever-changing; ever more to be discovered.

Do not think you know yourself so well until you’ve REALLY explored your mind, your heart, your emotions, your motivations, your fears, and then experienced each thing you think you could predict about yourself—and even then, know that you still do not know all there is to know about yourself.

I am only more affirmed in our finite, limited knowledge, and our Creator’s deep, deep, all-inclusive, infinite knowledge. He knows every single thing about my heart, my mind, my motivations, and how I will be/act in any given situation.

We know very little and can, at best, hope that we are/will be certain ways.

But He knows it ALL.
It’s a little overwhelming to think about.
But it is also very comforting to know that I know Him. So therefore I do not need to worry about trying to predict what I would be like if this happened. Or what I should do in this situation. I can trust Him. I can trust the One that knows me SO much better than I know myself. I can rest in the fact that he will put me in the exact situation I need to be in and he will give me everything I need to do what I need to do.

So Juliette, just be ready to say ‘I don’t know’ to lots of things.
Be okay with saying “I think I will do this.” “I think God is saying this.” “I think I will be like this in that situation.” “I think this is the best thing to be done.”

I’ve tried to think and act with that kind of humility already, but I hope I will be doing it much more now.

Over the past few years I have thought a lot of different things about how I would be when I would be inside other cultures, especially African ones. There haven’t been many surprises about the African Culture itself, now that I am experiencing it. I did my research and it paid off.

I even did my research about what it would be like for me personally to be there. . .and I’m sure it paid off in some ways. But I don’t know how many times I have said to myself since I’ve been here, “Wow, this is humbling.”

Like I said, there haven’t been too many ‘surprises,’ like I haven’t said or thought, “I’ve just never seen or heard of such a thing before.”

But the unexpected comes when I think things like, “I can’t believe I’m feeling like this right now. I can’t believe I’m thinking this.”

I really am grateful for this experience. I hope the Lord continues to provide more and more experiences of humility very often in my life.

I have come to realize how much I love and respect the characteristic of humility when I see it lived out in others.

It might just be my favorite.

(And I do not mean the self-deprecating, “I’m so awful. You’re so wonderful. I can’t do anything” type of humility. I hate that. Cause it is not true humility. I’m talking about humility that is aware of the truths about themselves and the world.)

Pastors, Prophets, and MUZUNGUS!

This past week Bethany Village hosted a conference for pastors around Uganda. The 3 main speakers were preachers from the States and they were great.


Two of the pastors brought a team with them—that means there were lots of muzungus around Bethany village for a whole week! I didn’t know what to do with myself! One was an older group and one was a younger group. Perfect combo!


Also, I had a Texan friend! Jake is from the Dallas area and is living in a village nearby for many months. Our best friends are dating but we had not met until he came to Uganda! How crazy! So it was nice to have another Texan here. For those of you that know Otha, Justin, and all those guys, you know they are like all pretty much the same person. So it was like I was hanging out with Otha and them all week!


This week was so encouraging for me for many reasons:


--Emily (the girl from Nashville) had been here for a week so we were good ol buds. She has been an enormous blessing for me!!


--Cassy, a girl from Montana, was also a huge blessing for me. She is very much the same as some of my best friends back home so we connected instantly. Cassy, Emily, and I laughed a ton (which I haven’t done much of so that was so refreshing) and we had deep, analytical conversations (another thing that is at the core of who I am but have not been able to do much of).


--Learned much more about prophesy and how it really isn’t weird or scary!


--Received prophetic ministry and was SO encouraged by it!


--heard some GOOD English preaching


I must admit, when all the muzungus left on the boat and I was the only white person left in the eerily quiet village—it was a little depressing.


BUT I was really looking forward to time to process everything the Lord had taught me and to just really BE with my family in the Alma house again. They had made many comments about how “the muzungus stole my love for them,” because I hadn’t spent much time at home all week. And I really did miss them.


I just felt so encouraged in my work here and more confident in what I’m doing.
Its funny what happens to you when you’re not the new kid on the block anymore. Everyone was asking ME questions! And the kids would act all shy around all the white people, but then, when it was just me and Emily at the house—the sillyness would come out! I love that they are so comfortable with me now! Its beautiful!


But then the next day, Uncle Francis’ fiancé came! You would seriously have thought the President of Uganda was here. The kids were going crazy! The mothers were going crazy! At church on Sunday, it was a true celebration! Everyone wore their best clothes! Everyone acted their best! It was insane! So I’ll have another muzungu around for a little while (and people will stop asking if I’m “the one” every time I’m with Uncle Francis).


Here’s some highlights of the week . . . .

This is Emily, from Nashville.

Above is me, Emily, Amy, and Coryn. Amy and Coryn are married and have been my American friends since i got here. We had a girls day in Kampala and ate at a wonderful place called New York Kitchen.

The picture above and below are from the conference. This little "amplitheater" over looks the lake. Its absolutely beautiful to sit, listen, and worship here. But the seats are not too comfortable. =)

This is me, Cassy, and Emily. Good friends.

Good times laying on the dock at night, looking at the stars, talking in British accents. Being silly girls and laughing. Mmmm how I needed that!

Laying in the grass, in the sun, listening to a sermon. Do you know how happy i was then?

Sunset walk! How beautiful! I haven't ventured out too much because I'm not really suppose to alone, but I had friends! Since then, I have ventured out much more =)

Another adventure with 2 boys, so I was really safe. Another beautiful view.

My escorts. Of course Jake was trying to find a cliff to jump off of, but he had to settle for this.

If you know Justin or Otha, you know this face. This is their classic face. And he is making it in response to the personality test which he refused to take. Of course. But I won, because I totally got him to take it. =) Becca, he is an Artisan. Who called it? Me!

This is how destraught he was while taking it. Boys. . .

The Texans!

This was Adrienne being introduced as Francis' fiance in front of the whole church. All of the house mothers went up with her because they are her new best friends! Francis' many wives! hah

Me and the happy couple.

Mary had a little. . . goat. . .

You know the little mother-goose rhyme “Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. . .it followed her to school way day, though it was against the rules.. . .it made the children laugh and play to see a lamb at school.”

That rhyme was playing through my head one day as a goat just walked right into the class room as we were working. It walked around the room, then walked out. But the thing is—it did not make the children laugh and play. That acted as if it was just another student walking in the room. No big deal, just another day in a Ugandan village school.



Another interesting difference. . .All of the school children use these little paperback notebooks for every subject. Very simple and cheap. Well they also all cover their little notebooks in newspaper. This is their way of taking care of their books.
That’s wonderful.

The interesting part is the newspaper articles that are covering these kindergartener’s books.

Spread across the front of book after book are bold-face titles such as these:

“Your sexual behavior can seal your fate.”
“The truth about homosexuality.”
“Should couples spend all their time together?”
“What is sex?”

Not to mention the wonderful pictures of people dirty-dancing and ginormous boobs hanging out of scantily-clad women.

It catches me off guard every time I have to look at these covers and then look at the face of a 5 year old as I hand it to them. Fortunately, they have no idea what they are looking at. . . . at least I’m assuming so. . . .

Another interesting thing is what the children use for “counters.” You know, in elementary school we would use brightly colored cubes, blocks, plastic coins, etc. during math lessons to learn how to count?

Well one day the kids all came to school with a hand full of a sticks.

Some small. Some big. Some dirty. Some clean.

Sticks they picked up around the house.

And this is what they used for counters.
How simple.

And it works!

Being “the missionary”

Oh how strange it is to be on the other side.

On all of my short-term mission trips, I was wondered what it was like to be the long-term missionaries that I met there, and I longed to be them.

I couldn’t wait for that day where I would go home after a week, but I would actually live there.

I couldn’t wait for the day when the cute little kids that attacked me with hugs would not just be cute little kids I played with for a week, but would be my friends, my children, who’s personalities I know so well.

I couldn’t wait to not just be one of the hundreds of westerners who come over and are so excited about anything and everything and just think “everything is so great,” but to truly know what is great and what isn’t so great and to experience more than just excitement with the national people.

I couldn’t wait to be the one that didn’t just come to bring lots of nice things, but the one who stayed.

Well that day has come. At least I’m staying for longer than the typical 2 weeks. (I can’t say that I’m “the one who lived the rest of her life there,” which would be quite a goal.)

What made me think about all this was a team that came from North Carolina one day. They came to Bethany one day just to get a tour and see some of the kids—and to give them lots of stickers and take lots of pictures of course. And then the next day they did a Vacation Bible School with the kids.

They were really nice and it was great to have some muzungus to talk to, if only briefly!
(And almost all of them have internationally adopted children of their own so that was also really cool)

But it was so weird for me to be on the other side. . . .

it was so weird for them to ask ME questions about how things work.. . . .

it was so weird for the lady who was a nurse to tell ME how to take care of Christine because her leg was sprained. . . .

it was so weird to watch them take picture after picture and be in awe of these precious children and for me to sit there and just watch—because I’m with these children every day .. . . ..

it was so weird to watch them tour around the village, with their backpacks and matching t-shirts, while I washed dishes outside my house. . . .

it was so weird for me to watch them leave, while I stayed.

My favorite part about that group was that there was only one college age girl. All the rest were 25 and up—people with careers, people with families, people with children at home.

But their vacation time this year was spent coming to Uganda for a week to see how they can further help orphans.

Food

Here are the "ants" they eat that I wrote about before. I just found out these are actually termites. Awesome.
This is some other insect they eat. Not really sure what it is... . .

Are these locusts? Or what? They eat this too....

The normal meal. Huge plate. Tiny kid.

This has become my new best friend. Butter. Its pretty much all i have to eat pasta with. And bread. I've eatin too much of it for sure.

Typical "sauce" with my rice or posho. Beef or pork in there.

The cake we had one night for some girl's birthday in Gaba. Not the greatest cake ever, but it wasn't bad! Check out the sweet horse on there. Pretty funny.

Where I cook my few meals. I got Zucchini and onions one night! So delicious!

Eat a lot of Irish potatoes. They are just sitting in the ground right now. Getting ready to plant them.

Chopped up mango the kids made for our "party" at the Alma house.

MMmmm mango. These are EVERYWHER. And they eat them all the time. But they eat them when they are not ripe. They give me the ripe ones like this because they know that's all we muzungus like.

Mama Jane came home with all this one day and wanted me to take a picture of it so she arranged it all beautifully like this. Funny. And declicious! Fresh produce!

HUGE avocados!!!

Jack Fruit!! These are HUGE fruit that they love to eat.

Learning to make chipati!!

I can't wait to make this when i get back!

What if he was your child?

I don’t know how he does it but this boy has a way of making every single person who walks through Loving Hearts Baby Home truly fall in love with him. . . if they stay for more than 10 minutes. I did not understand it at first. . . .and it did not really set in until the second day. . . but there is something about this boy. . .

If you were to look up "best baby ever" in the dictionary, there might be this picture next to it.

He is just SO good. Up until about a week ago, he really only cried when he was hungry. And even then, it wasn’t an intense cry.

He's also the BEST cuddle buddy ever. He wraps himself around you like a little monkey. He will just sit there with you. Just laying against you. The more he grows and develops, the more active he is getting while sitting with you, but still, he's so loving.
Perhaps this is part of what makes people fall in love with him.

Oh and the fact that he just has the sweetest spirit ever.

I can’t even explain it. You just never have to worry about Daniel. He does his own thing. He occupies himself.
He scoots around the house, army-crawl style. He lays in the rays of sunshine he can find. He bangs his feet and head on the ground for fun. He claps his hands. He touches your face so gently. He comes straight to any new person who walks in the room, especially his white friends.

To think that this boy was abandoned when just a couple of months old simply boggles my mind and breaks my heart.

I cannot help but wonder allllll the time:

Does his gentle, humble, quiet spirit come from the fact that for the first half year of his life no one cared about him? No one gave him love?

Is the reason he doesn’t cry very much because he learned that no one will come when you cry—or perhaps crying will only be met with pain inflicted upon him?

Has he learned to find his own contentment and fun because there is no one there to do it for him?
Has he learned to be satisfied with any food, attention, or affection he gets because its better than nothing?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I cannot help but wonder about it every time I hold him.

Because you see, he has learned to cry more now. I noticed it when I came back from being gone a week—after he had been there for 3 months. Now, when someone who gives him lots of tender love and affection puts him down after holding him, he cries. Now, he cries when he doesn’t get attention sometimes.

Perhaps he has learned from living with 3 infants that when THEY cry, THEY get held and get attention. So maybe he’s trying out that strategy.
Or maybe he’s realized how much he enjoys the love and affection he gets from us and it really does pain him when he does not get it.

Then there’s the other questions that come from his physical issues . . .

Something is wrong with Daniel's eyes in case you didn't notice in the pictures.
He had surgery to remove cataracts (from birth) so now he sees fine, but his eyes are always rolling around.

Its actually quite funny and precious. He is developing really well though. And he’s getting glasses, which should help.

He also has something wrong with his "private" area. Like, he doesn't urinate like a regular boy, but more like a girl. . .he's not fully developed down there. . .so we have to get that checked out. . .

So was he abandoned because he looked “retarted”/”disabled”?
That is a VERY common occurrence here.

Or was he going to be abandoned either way?

The doctor says his eye condition COULD be due to a brain injury.
So did the injury come when he was an infant due to maltreatment from the parents?
Or was it something that happened in the womb due to a careless mother?
Or was it completely out of the parents hands?

It is overwhelming to think about the life he would have if he was not in this home.
Children with "issues" like the ones he has are easily taken cared of in America, but here--they are tossed aside or locked in the back bedroom.

If he were YOUR child, what a different life Daniel would have.
If he were your child, these issues would be nothing. They may already be fixed.

I cannot wait to see the family who adopts this little boy and how well he develops! Any family that gets him will be extremely blessed.

Here are a few more from the Baby Home. . .

Yes, this is a very small stroller. With a very fat baby seated in the sitting part. And another baby scrunched up in the carrying pouch that reads, "Warning: never place more than 3 lbs in here." One of the mothers put Aiden in there because both of them would not stop crying. . . only in Uganda. . .

I just love when I have 2 or 3 at a time!