Confessions of Inexperience

I have come to the conclusion that I (we) really don’t know anything about anything until we have experienced it.

I would have agreed with that statement even before this experience, I think, but now I am proclaiming it loudly.

We can say, “Oh in that situation I KNOW I will do this. Or be that. Or choose this action.”

But we really do not know until we are in the situation. At most, we can HOPE we will do a certain thing.

This fact has been proven to me over the past few years when I have acted in ways that I thought for sure I would not have acted if I was to be in that situation.

And then being here in Uganda, in a completely different culture, with no one who truly knows me, with nothing I am used to—I have definitely been humbled to the point of being able to admit that we really do not know things for sure until we have experienced them.

I think we can know some objective truths about certain things outside of ourselves, but the self, the psyche, the human mind/heart—it is just so complex; ever-changing; ever more to be discovered.

Do not think you know yourself so well until you’ve REALLY explored your mind, your heart, your emotions, your motivations, your fears, and then experienced each thing you think you could predict about yourself—and even then, know that you still do not know all there is to know about yourself.

I am only more affirmed in our finite, limited knowledge, and our Creator’s deep, deep, all-inclusive, infinite knowledge. He knows every single thing about my heart, my mind, my motivations, and how I will be/act in any given situation.

We know very little and can, at best, hope that we are/will be certain ways.

But He knows it ALL.
It’s a little overwhelming to think about.
But it is also very comforting to know that I know Him. So therefore I do not need to worry about trying to predict what I would be like if this happened. Or what I should do in this situation. I can trust Him. I can trust the One that knows me SO much better than I know myself. I can rest in the fact that he will put me in the exact situation I need to be in and he will give me everything I need to do what I need to do.

So Juliette, just be ready to say ‘I don’t know’ to lots of things.
Be okay with saying “I think I will do this.” “I think God is saying this.” “I think I will be like this in that situation.” “I think this is the best thing to be done.”

I’ve tried to think and act with that kind of humility already, but I hope I will be doing it much more now.

Over the past few years I have thought a lot of different things about how I would be when I would be inside other cultures, especially African ones. There haven’t been many surprises about the African Culture itself, now that I am experiencing it. I did my research and it paid off.

I even did my research about what it would be like for me personally to be there. . .and I’m sure it paid off in some ways. But I don’t know how many times I have said to myself since I’ve been here, “Wow, this is humbling.”

Like I said, there haven’t been too many ‘surprises,’ like I haven’t said or thought, “I’ve just never seen or heard of such a thing before.”

But the unexpected comes when I think things like, “I can’t believe I’m feeling like this right now. I can’t believe I’m thinking this.”

I really am grateful for this experience. I hope the Lord continues to provide more and more experiences of humility very often in my life.

I have come to realize how much I love and respect the characteristic of humility when I see it lived out in others.

It might just be my favorite.

(And I do not mean the self-deprecating, “I’m so awful. You’re so wonderful. I can’t do anything” type of humility. I hate that. Cause it is not true humility. I’m talking about humility that is aware of the truths about themselves and the world.)