My Sweet Eva

This is difficult to write, but it is needed, at the least, for myself.

Nakakande Eva is this beautiful girl you see above.

Eva, Sharif (the boy below), and the other Alma house kids were playing outside on Monday.
Sharif threw a stone, just playing around.

That stone hit Eva right in the head.
It created a deep wound.
She was taken to the local hospital, then referred to large state hospital where she received some CAT scans.
The doctors said there was a crack, but it was nothing serious, though Eva was in a tremendous amount of pain.

Sharif has been extremely depressed.
He is one of the most sensitive, tender-hearted boys I've ever met. He never played rough. He loves to dance and sing. He is a beautiful care-giver and 'mother hen' for the other children. They call him "little girl" as a nic name. He is a born evangelist and does not understand why anyone could not be in-love with Jesus. Seriously, he asked me many times. He loves Jesus more than life.

So he has been feeling much guilt and shame about hurting her.

Uncle Francis and his wife have been talking to the Alma house about forgiveness.
He asked Eva yesterday if she was still upset with Sharif and she said yes.
So he talked to her about forgiveness and asked her to forgive him.
It sounded like she did.

Last night, Eva died.

She was still at the hospital and complaining of a lot of pain. The doctors misjudged the situation as she should have received an operation urgently, according to Uncle Francis.

I can not even describe what I have been feeling today.

Except of course: broken.

I was very close to all of my girls in Alma house, but Eva and I had a special connection, especially the last few weeks. She just started openning up to me more. We laughed and joked around so much towards the end. She was one of the older ones so we could communicate pretty well. She was not very confident, but she should have been because she was SO smart! And a wonderful dancer! Oh, and boy was she witty. Even in her last letter to me, she was cracking me up with her jokes. She was the best at keeping a straight face when she was being funny. Yet, she was shy and pretended she was no good.

But towards the end, she 'let go' so much with me.
You can see some of this in the videos below.

And then, on the day I left Uganda, she was the hardest one to say goodbye to.
Everyone was very sad, acted so depressed, and many tears were shed--
but Eva literally sobbed in my arms.

That moment broke deep into the core of me.

The only way I was able to leave Bethany Village without completely falling apart is because I knew that I would be back some day. I didn't know when or how, but I just knew this was not the last time I would see them.

And its true, its not the last time I will see Eva.

I will see her dancing and cracking up with our wonderful Papa in our true home--one day.
And for that, I am comforted.

But honestly, I want to see her again here on earth.
At Alma house.
Where I left her.

But I won't.

And for that, I am broken.

As usual with this death thing--it seems so surreal.

I have dealt with death intensely recently, but never the death of a child.
This is a whole new ball game.
And not the death of one of my precious 12 children from Alma house whom I am just waiting to see again.
And not the one that I had such a unique, dear connection with.

Don't get me wrong, though. This girl was ready to be with her King. She loved Him dearly. When we joked around about what happened if you were dying, her answer was always, "Ok. I am ready. I will die." As if to say, "who cares if something happens to me? I know this place is not my home."

And then there's Sharif. . . .
Oh how my heart breaks for this sweet boy who loves to garden, cook, learn, dance, and sing.


Any one of us in America would feel awful about such a thing happening to us, and then you place this situation in Ugandan culture and it just intensifies matters.

Guilt and shame are heavily embedded within it.
If you do something bad, you are a bad person.
If something like this happens to you, you are cursed.

Now, the children at Bethany Village are seeking to follow Jesus so they do not believe and act in the ways the culture in general does, like the things stated above, but nonetheless, these battles will be intense for someone like Sharif.

Please join me in praying against the lies the enemy is going to use on him.
Pray the enemy does not steal
the joy that exudes from him.
the confidence that attracts all who encounter him.
the love that embraces every soul he meets
and the belief he has that he is dearly loved by His Father and that his Father has good, good things in store for his life.

My first instinctual emotion was "I need to be there. I need to be with Alma house."
But being the rationale that I am, I quickly dismissed such a thought and told myself "that's just emotions talking. You're here. Grieve here." And I moved on.

But later that day, as I was praying and thinking about all of it, I stepped out of my usual mindset, and tried to be more open to the Spirit.

I should never just dismiss any idea, simply out of habit.

Well how would I get the money to go?
I have money I could use on this, if the Lord is clear with me about that.
Check.
When would I go?
Well I have very serious obligations this weekend and June 10-12.
So could I go May 30-June 10th????
I start a new job June 1st.
Do I say, "forget that job. I'm not that excited about it anyway. If I'm really suppose to have it, they will wait for me. The main reason I want the job is to make money for Alma house. Maybe I'm just suppose to go to Alma house during this horrible time?"
Or do I try to go for 2 weeks in July?
Or do I stay?
This is irrational and impractical.
I don't do those kind of things.

Please pray with me in this decision.
I do not want to make this decision alone.
Input is welcome.

Now I must share some things that capture the beauty of Eva that stole my heart. . . .


Yeah, don't ask about this last one.
Just laugh.
And enjoy Eva's excitement and moves.