Marred Identity

". . . Abject misery is a level of daily suffering that boggles the human mind. When people have lived only in abject misery, they begin to operate from a marred identity. Marred identity is the internalization of external misery. People who have known nothing but the horrors of extreme poverty begin to believe that they actually deserve their devastating circumstances. They believe that the powers that be or the gods of fate have relegated them to this way of life and that there is nothing they or anybody else can do to change their lot in life. The more they wrestle with marred identity, the faster they sink into listlessness, lifelessness, and a form of hopelessness that is palpable for everyone who observes them."

This relationship between poverty and identity and psychological well-being speaks deeply to me because it so eloquently pin-points my motivation to know, serve, and love "the poor." This is why I go to pot-lucks. This is why I went to Uganda. This is why we may move to Ghana. Not to give people some food that will be gone tomorrow. Not just to give them material things that will rot away.

But to change their identities.

Traveling to Third World countries or going to the ghettos of America can turn a lot of people upside-down because of what they see and experience of poverty. A lot of us can't get back to where we were before.

When that happens, it helps us understand with greater clarity why, "when Jesus launched his ministry, he said that he and his followers were going to confront the structures and the systems and the people that work together in darkness of mind and spirit to keep those who are poor entangled in poverty."

One perspective of what Jesus could have been saying when he was on earth is, "We're going to announce some good news to those people who are very close to having a marred identity. And we're going to work until the sun goes down on this world's existence to let a certain group of people know that they are not forgotten, they are not damaged goods, they are not hopeless and they are not beyond the possibility of being loved by our great God and by his followers."

See, by the manner in which Jesus lived, he identified with the poor. He associated with them and hung out with them. "He healed those who had no recourse for medicine. He fed the hungry by the thousands. And he said to those with marred identities,

 'You're treasured creations of the Most High God.
I will redeem you and call you my own.'"

Fair trade

I added a list of Fair trade companies to my blog that I think are wonderful.

I encourage you to check these are and, if you're up for it, make an effort to buy gifts only from fair trade places like these. Well, as much as possible. (i know it doesn't make sense a lot of times)

I have been researching and trying to "buy fair trade" for several years now and it is slowly becoming more and more apart of my life.

I hope that in 20 years I'll be able to look around my material possessions and find almost all fair trade or hand-made-from-people-I-know, or recycled possessions. I really hope to be buying only fair trade, etc gifts for people one day too! But since I'm a big "gifter," I have a firm rule that I don't buy for people things that JULIETTE wants, but I buy what that person wants. Some people buy things that THEY like for someone else, and that annoys me. Unless of course I'm buying clothes for my husband. (in that case I have a firm belief that I should buy what I like on him since i'm the one who looks at him and he could care less)

Anyways, please refer to this list for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's days, etc! And let me know if you find other great companies!

poem.

the gardener

Even now I can feel him.

Hands buried in my heart,

reaching deep to upturn old, unwanted roots,

roots long hidden from the light, fooling me

of their power to grow and squelch the new life sprouting.

I grimace at all this sifting

now wedging dirt beneath his fingernails.

He, soiled with me,

plowing the dark forests of my hurt and shame,

and I scream, “go away,”

retreating to shadows amidst tangled roots.

But still he

doesn’t

leave

me

to the muddled life cloaked in trees and clouds

but hacks at those stems that separate us

with the resurrected sun

and an emptied pocket full of seeds.

--Bethany Douglass


I just had to share this which deeply spoke to my heart this morning
on a dear friend's blog (which daily speaks to me.)

New

The front door to our new rent house we painted.
(And by we, I mean Adam)

This is the door to my new life.
New and incredibly wonderful.
I simply couldn't ask for more right now. Full, I am.
After an insanely overwhelming and busy and long season of life last year, I get to slow down.
I get to rest.
(Not that I'm really going THAT slow, but comparatively people. . . .)

Our garden

One of the highlights of my new life is this precious garden that Adam and I planted.

Hot peppers for this cajun girl, of course.

Even though Adam and I don't like tomatoes, we're giving it a shot because we just feel weird having a garden with no tomatoes. .

Cucumber of course!

Squash

Look at this wonderful fence Adam made.
My resourceful man noticed the abandoned lot next to our house had a fence falling down. . .and it just so happens that we needed a little fencing around our garden. . . so Adam put his plan into action, got an old saw from the tool house that came with our house (filled with lots of tools), hooked up a very long extension cord (thank you outdoor wedding), and literally sawed down the top half of a fence for at least an hour. (And I actually helped) Then he sawed it down even more and set it up around our garden! Now, our wonderful little pet can't disturb our produce!

Marigolds to help our veggies grow!
And to make me think of Meg.

Beauties.

Rosemary

Oregano
(these herbs will be used daily.
Oh how I <3 fresh herbs.)

Parsley

What the heeeelll is this, eh?
Oh just some poop we put in our garden.
Compost poop.
Been growin in for years and finally got to use it!

Compost bin, ready for more!
Here it is!

Here he is, people.
My new best friend.
go ahead and laugh.
Get it out.
Its true.
I own a basset hound.
Named "Bull," at that.
How did that happen to me?
I figured it out--surely this is what God had in mind when I vowed, " I will embrace troubled times, and count it joy to suffer with you". . . .or, "count it joy to suffer through a the presence of dog. Like this one."
Right?

2 things here:
1. my favorite man ever, put me up a wonderful clothes line and I feel like I'm in Uganda again.
2. Several of these shirts you see here I just got for free!
My friend, Becca, had a Clothes Swap party where we all brought clothes that we just don't need/want anymore, but are still in good condition (which is almost ALL of our closets, lets be honest.) And then we traded with other girls and got new-to-us items! Ingenious idea.

These are beautiful gifts left in our yard for us from the old man who lived in the house for many years. Roses everywhere!!!

The front of our house. . .landscaped. =)

My amazing mom came to our humble abode and helped us pick out and plant beautiful flowers to liven up the front of our ooooollllddd house.

Lovely flowers my mommy planted

These actually came with the house! How nice!

These, too, came with the house! Any idea what they're called?

2 things here:
1. more flowers my mom potted for me!
2. This pot is special to us because it belonged to a friend of ours, Mark, who was incarcerated back in July. He broke the law. He went to jail. And we love him still. A group of us helped him clean out his yard last spring before he had to go to jail. He had TONS of garden stuff because he was a master gardener. Let's just say, we got the hook up on lots of great garden stuff because of our dear friend mark! This pot was one of them and I'm honored to have it on my door step to remind me of our friends who sinned in a way that got them locked up, who are lonely, and probably at rock-bottom in prison. To remind me to think of them, pray for them, love them, and of course, write to them. =)

These are more mom got. They make me think of you, Mom, and my childhood.
I guess you planted lots of these or something.

love. love. love.

Big one here:
I don't know if you make out what this one is called, but it says "African Daisy." My mom bought this for us right after we told her we have an opportunity to move to Africa in a year that we are highly considering. This is a huge deal to me. I would have expected my mom to have seen this plant and ripped it to shreds then spitting on it after we told her the news. Instead, she bought it for me, planted it for me, and left the name tag up for all to see! Love that woman!

Don't these just look radiant and make you want to go to Africa?

I am oh, so grateful to Mr. Ward for all the rose bushes he left us around our house because every moment I look at these beautiful creations, I think of Mimi and Nanee. The roses of my life. The beauty of this rose hardly compares to the beauty you both radiated, and to me, this rose is beyond stunning.

And so, I have opened a door to a new life.
In a bright white house with a radiant red door.

Wedding Pinterest Day!

This is my favorite!!!!!! Chalkboard middle, with burlap and wire for pics!

My dear friend and Crafty Wedding Coordinator, Meg "Ms. Egg" Mattingly, made a special trip up to stay with me for the sole purpose of helping me craft, sand, paint, staple, dance, and craft more!

The plan is to use these things for wedding decor and then put them up in our new home, but that may not go as planned. I am not sure what I will actually get to use for the wedding, just because of practical things like we're not allowed to hang things on the wall of our reception center. .. and I'm sure our home will not be big enough to put all of this in there. But all of it WILL be put to good use!

Yes, many of these ideas are from Pinterest, but some are from Ms. Egg herself and some are from other people I picked up along the way. Pretty sure NONE of these were creative ideas of my own. =) My special gift is that I'm good at discovering others' creative ideas and finding people to help me make the ideas happen. =)

Check it out!!

One of Adam and I's favorite songs ever. =)

The crafty genius herself!

Workin hard with all her burlap!

This has wires across it to hang pics. Love the worn look. =)

Yay chalkboard!

Meg did an incredible job with these doors!! Incredible I say!

Chicken wire inside to hang pictures on!

This one is not complete but at least its painted fun!

Burlap frame with wire across to hang pictures!!
Probably my second favorite!
This was totally Meg's awesome idea!

This Man

This is the man I am marrying on January 21st, 2012.

This man is a man's man.

This man loves me deeply.

This man is a taaaaaalker.

This man is goofy and hilarious.

This man is a farmer at heart.

This man has pursued me well.

This man came out of no-where in my life.

This man is very analytical and he is deeper than the ocean.

This man digs into my emotions, my intellect, and my spirit.

This man likes to teach me how to dance. =)

This man fights for me. Really fights for me.

This man shares his thoughts and emotions with me reaaaally well.

This man just straight up communicates really well.

This man knows how to be fun, silly, and crazy.

This man knows how to be deep, thoughtful, and serious.

This man loves Jesus a lot.

This man loves me a lot.

This man is perfect for me and I simply can not wait to spend the rest of my life with him!

I've just had the urge to write this all down and share it with the world. . . .

Cups

(This was just a "thought/vision" that came to my mind yesterday)

I'm in a large, large room filled with tables
On these tables are many, many cups.

Its a room
filled
with
cups.

And the cups are filled with liquid.
Completely full to the brim.
I'm surrounded by these cups.

Most of these cups are filled with Anxiety and Stress.
I'm searching desperately for the cup of Peace.

It has to be in here.
I just know it.
In a room FILLED with cups, there has to be at least one cup of peace!
I'm frantically searching. But only with my eyes.
I'm not moving around much in fear that I may hit one of the tables and make all those cups of anxiety spill. It would take just ONE little nudge for that to happen.

I'm trying not to be frantic as I search for the cup of Peace, as that seems contradictory.
How will I find the cup of peace if I am anxious?

But how can I NOT be filled with anxiety when I am literally surrounded by millions of cups, brimming full, of Anxiety and it seems nearly impossible to spot the cup of Peace, especially when I've never been good at puzzles or any games that require you to spot something that is hidden amidst lots of craziness???

But I spot it.
It actually wasn't across the room from me.
It was at a table very near to me!
I didn't have to take but one step to reach it--right in the middle of a table surrounded by Anxiety.
I pick it up with shaking hands being as careful as possible NOT to nudge the others.
The thought of Anxiety spilling over in this room is overwhelmingly frightening.

I put the cup to my lips and begin to drink the cup of Peace with eyes closed.
Oh how refreshing.
How sweet!
How fulfilling.

My body relaxes.
My eyes are gently closed.

And then it happens.

An earthquake.

The room trembles.
The ground shakes.

My eyes pop open to see the planks of liquid across the tops of the cups ripple out to the edges.
A room full of cups of Anxiety--trembling.

I keep the cup of Peace to my lips.
Continuing to drink deeply.
I know I mustn't put it down for an instant.

The earthquake gets stronger.
A few cups spill over the edge.
A few more cups are actually knocked over!

My body begins to tense up, but I do not put down the cup at my lips.
And as I gulp, my body eases and I remember what I am drinking.
The cups are spilling over--a room full of Anxiety spilling over--and my body remains relaxed.
My breathes remain deep.
My eyes gently shut again.

As long as that cup is against my lips and the liquid continues to flow into my mouth and down into my body, I am safe.

I am secure.

I am relaxed.
I am filled with Peace.
And it is sweet.

And the cup never runs empty.
No matter how much I tilt it up.
It continues to flow.

I must only keep it to my lips and never put it back down.
And no matter how much anxiety spills around me, washes my feet, fills the room, tries to drown me--it will not succeed as long as the cup of Peace is held to my lips, flowing into my body.

I must cling to the cup of Peace.