Oli otya? Gyendi! (“How are you? Good!” in Luganda)

So I re-read that last update and I’m sorry it was so crazy and
sounded like things were not so good.

Things are great and they get better every day!

All things in good time!

Also, I realize I am writing to many different readers who want to
know many different things. I going to try to put a heading above each
different thought/story so that if you are not interested in that sort
of thing you can skip over it. Like a lot of the details about what
the food is like or my bathroom, a lot of people do not want to know,
but I know my family does. So just skip through it!

Turns out I am using my little stove! Toast, eggs, spaghetti, boiling
my own water. Again, not necessary but I think it took some pressure
off of Mama jane. And it IS nice to not always eat their food.

For all who know about my dilemma with cutting my hair. . . great
decision! In fact I wish I would have cut it shorter! There is just no
need for it. Its just something else I have to worry about
cleaning—and my body is enough. It stays dirty so I just wear it in
bandanas 24/7.

My room:
Francis made more room in it for me. We put up my mosquito net that I
brought from the states and it is much better. I’m still not sure if I
was allergic to that other one or what, but my eyes are good now. I’ve
gotten used to the bugs. They stay away from my bed. As long as the
ghekos are away from me, I’m good. And as for the “mice” I was
hearing….I still don’t know. I mean I am pretty certain that is what
it is. So sleeping is not my favorite time. It would be okay if
it/they were not so LOUD! And of course, if I was certain they would
not come inside…

Bathroom:
The bucket in my room is my favorite. =) Who would have thought I
would ever say that? The outhouse could be worse, but it is probably
my least favorite place to be in this village. I just hate having to
empty the big bucket of water in the toilet and then go fill up the
bucket out of a huge dirty tub. Too much work. And the smell….and the
darkness….Bah, not worth it.

The Devotionals in the Morning and NIght
Around 6 30 an absolutely beautiful noise to the Lord is made! It is
just so natural for them. They simply love to sing and dance. And they
do it so stinkin well. Lots of praises to the Lord in Luganda. With
lots of clapping. And then a few English tunes in there like “I’m
trading my sorrows.” One of the older boys will play “drums” on an
empty bucket, which is just so cool to me. They all walk around the
living room/dining room while they sing, dance, and pray. They are
mostly in their own little worlds with their eyes closed sometimes,
unless they are looking at me of course. =) Then they all start
praying at the same time. It would have been a lot cooler if I could
understand them.

Tonight (Saturday night) they sang all the songs in English…I think
they were trying to include me more. I’m trying to jump into it more
and more, but I’ll need a little more time till I can throw myself in
unashamedly! Then we read a passage in English. Then someone
translates for the little ones. Then Mama jane asks questions. They
just started reading through the whole Bible, so we are in Exodus
right now.

I got up for the first time at 6:30 with them and joined, instead of
just listening from my room. Mama jane was sleeping in a bit too. She
gets up them up if they don’t wake up, but she went back to lay down
it seems. Peter, the oldest boy, led the bible discussion. It is so
interesting and beautiful to see these kids ranging from age 4-13
praising the Lord together, reading the bible together, and then
coming up with questions to ask each other. And there doesn’t seem to
be any rush. Even when it is 8:30 at night and they haven’t eatin
supper. They just take their time and seem to enjoy it.

Food:
First off, they eat late! It is weird to me. They eat breakfast
between 9-10 on holidays/weekends and earlier on school days. Lunch is
around 2-3 and dinner is at like 9:30! Mama jane asked me tonight when
we usually eat dinner and I said around 7. But I didn’t mean I needed
to do that here! Well she got my dinner out before everyone else at
like 8:30 tonight.

Last night something seriously smelt like burning marijuana….for
dinner. The smell of pot usually makes me gag and want to throw up.
Sorry, it just does. So you can imagine what my nose was telling my
stomach when the smell was in fact not coming from a joint but from
the food in front of me. I thought for sure it must be from the
“greens” but no, it seemed to be the beans! I made myself take 2 huge
bites of the greens (because I realized it was only me and mama eating
them so it must be special. Plus I know I need to take advantage of
anything green I can give my body.) Well my mouth simply does not like
the tastes of greens (“Dodo”) and never has. I have a feeling I’ll be
using the whole swallow-food-with-a-gulp-of-water-trick pretty often!
I have also never liked most beans. And we have these often. I just
try to eat as much as I can, mix it with rice, and use water. Turns
out, it looks like I’ll be going back to my picky days where all I
really want to eat is plain rice and extremely plain and bland posho.
Even when the stuff doesn’t taste that bad, there is still the thought
in the back of my mind, “remember an hour ago I saw the rice come out
of a back closet, not bagged, on an open tray where Bridget picked out
some of the “bad” things from it. And the beans—the 2 yr old and 7 yr
old rinsing them in a bucket with their hands then laying them out on
the cement slab.” I know cooking things gets rid of all the germs but
its still something my mind and eyes will just have to get used to.

Today I saw the pigs at the farm and I distinctly thought to myself,
“these are the most disgusting animals I have ever seen. I don’t know
if I ever want to eat pork again.” An hour later for lunch, Mama Jane
came in with a plate for me saying, “have you ever tried pork?”
Mmmmmmmmmm.

Africans can EAT. A lot. When I told Mama Jane I couldn’t eat all
that she had served me, she began telling me how Africans can eat so
much. “They say we can move mountains. You know, we have the faith to
move mountains…we put a mountain of food on our plate and we speak the
word, and its gone!” This made me laugh. It is true! They do make a
mountain of food on their plate. And I’m talking about the tiniest
child. And every child eats it all! And it is hardy food like rice,
beans, posho (flour and water.)

Tonight Mama asked if we eat fish with the bones in them in America. I
said no most of us do not. . .but my grandpa actually does. She said
“maybe he came to Africa and learned.” This made me laugh! Tell Bobba
he’s got something in common with these people.. . .actually Bobba
could live the best out here for sure.

I helped peel the bananas tonight! (it is hard for them to let me
serve so it’s a big deal when I get to do it! Also, these are cooking
bananas. They love these and eat them a lot. They are not like the
bananas we eat.) Sharif (10 yr old boy) made it look SOO easy. I
watched him do many of them. Finally, I asked if I could join. Dude,
who knew peeling the skin off this kind of bananas with a knife could
be so hard! I felt like I was learning to cook with Nanee and Bee but
I just couldn’t do it right! I told Mama that I want to learn how they
cook because my family really likes to cook so I want to be able to
tell them about it.

Tonight (Sunday) Mama told me to make spaghetti in my room. “We are
eating pork again tonight and even though you have only been eating a
very little bit, I think you do not need any more.” Haha! So she
noticed that I’ve only been eating a tiny bit of the pork! That is
good! Noodles and butter were a nice alternative tonight, but plain
noodles just does not taste like it did when I was a kid!

Hygiene
Its just too much work! That is why many Africans don’t do it! Ha…or
maybe that’s just why I don’t want to do much of it….but don’t worry,
all my Worriers, I am staying clean! The hand-sanitizer really is very
helpful cause it is basically all I’ve got most of the time.

It will just take my mind and eyes time to get used to the fact that
they never really wash their hands. They clean, play outside, pick up
dirt, and then eat. With their hands of course. And they are fine.
They do “bath” every night though which is more than the people in
other villages do.

It is interesting too because they mop the house every day. A rag and
soapy water, scrubbin those floors. And they clean the “toilets” every
day. They do a lot of “cleaning,” it is just different than ours.


Weather
Could not BE more perfect! Like seriously, if ever there is a place in
the world that has “perfect” weather, it is Uganda.
Sunday was the first rainy day. I just love watching and listening to
the rain fall on all the banana trees all around the house. So
peaceful.

The noises
There are only 2 noises that I could do without and one of those I
absolutely hate. The repetitive, like an alarm clock, bugs at night.
And the awful “mouse” noise. It is RIGHT above me every night and so
loud and it just sends chills through my body. I do hope I can get
used to it. But I am also praying it will just leave. =) So you can
pray for sleeeeeep.

But there are so many wonderful noises!! I simply love sitting in my
room and listening to the kids talk and play right out my window. I
love their voices. I love their laughter. I love the wind blowing the
banana leaves. I love the rain. I love the birds! I love the singing.
I love the make-shift drums. When walking around the village it is
common to hear at least one of the houses all singing praise songs
together. Someone will be on the drums and others will be singing. How
wonderful!

The kids
I will write a post about each one of them or something. Give them 2
days and they warm right up to you! They took me around and taught me
many games and much Luganda in the afternoon on the second day. It
just took me showing interest in learning from them and I was in! They
are absolutely wonderful. I am so glad I am living in their house!!

I have so many stories and observations about them and its only been 5
days. . . .

Mama Jane
We had a great conversation tonight about her story, about each of the
kids, about me, about God. It was so great! She is wonderful and I
think we will get much closer. It will just take time.

Story of the day
Sharif asked me today, “In America, is there a machine that brushes
your teeth for you?. . . In America, do you tell a machine that you
are hungry and then you go away, come back and then it makes food for
you?....In America, is there a machine that baths you?”
If you think about it, we kind of do have 2 of those things. =)

Prayer
The hardest thing is the language. It is just hard to do anything
because I am always unsure of everything. For instance, I never know
when it is okay for me to jump into conversation with a question
because, lets say there is silence—you would think that means I can
jump in—but what if it was just a pause in conversation and I totally
just interrupted! These are the things I think about. And then I just
feel bad always asking “what is everyone doing now?....and now?....and
now?” Soon enough I hope I will learn the routine and will not need
language! And I’m just going to need to get over myself and be bold
too. (I wrote this a few days ago, and as I keep saying, things get
better every day but I will always need prayer for this)

Where to Start, attempt #2 :)

Please forgive me for the sporadic nature of this blog. I don’t know if I’ve ever had so much on my mind to share. I recommend reading this in stages or something. I was going to break it up but I don’t know when I’ll be on the internet next, so here it all is. Read a page a day or something!

The travelling days were great! I had some great conversations with: an elderly man from Pakistan who shared a row with me on the plane, an Australian preacher named Jim from my hotel who went to the mall also (great convo about modern Christianity and learned a lot about Australia), an Muslim guy from NY at the hotel about Islam and Christianity, Mohamed from Somalia/USA/Uganda on the plane ride here (he was so helpful! I learned so much about Africa from him). I met some others but those were the highlights. I am usually really shy in these situations (when I don’t know anyone) but I felt like all of these conversations were from the Lord and very natural. Just some little blessings.
My first taste of Uganda was the wonderful breeze that kissed my face the moment I stepped off the plane. It was glorious. Francis and Michael were there waiting for me. I got to know Michael (the missions coordinator) while Francis went to look for something he lost at the airport. It was a very encouraging first conversation. From the airport, Francis, Michael, and Joshua (our driver) went to Kampala. It was a beautiful drive and I felt like I was with 3 big brothers. All three of them are so nice, very funny, and wonderful body guards. Francis insisted that I get some things to make me more comfortable like a two burner gas stove to put in my room along with a pan, a pot, macaroni, eggs, bread and butter. This is so that I can conveniently make my own few at first while I’m getting used to the food here. Very considerate of him but I felt like it was way too much and unnecessary. I guess we will see if he is right….i don’t foresee myself cooking my own things, ESPECIALLY at first, but we’ll see.
We went to a place just like Wal-mart and a super market, both of which were very nice and I could have forgotten I was in Africa. Except for the 100% black people around me. Which leads me to my next point—why did I forget to dye my skin before I came?? =) Wow, I have never wanted to change the color of my skin as badly as I have on just this half day I was here. People warned me about all the stares and attention I would get, and they were right. And it actually wasn’t even that bad today. Its just that I can FEEL the fact that I’m the only white person for miles. And I know allll of the assumptions that go along with that. And then there’s the blaring fact that I can’t understand anything anyone is saying. Which just screams white American even more. Yuck. I knew the language thing was going to be an issue but you never really know until you experience it. I got my first taste of that today. Got a long road ahead of me!
Travelling evaluation:
Flying with Emirates = excellent! (amazing airline. Gave me free hotel with free meals. Everything was above and beyond with them)
Getting the cheapest flight and having to have a lay-over in Dubai = wonderful! (I felt like this place was the capital of the world. So many different nationalities! The tiny bit I saw was real cool)
Purchasing my backpack = excellent! (its just made things so much easier. I love it!)
Taking 70 pds of luggage on a wheeling suitcase instead of a duffle-bag = life saver! (prizes for heather and mom for telling me to do that. I don’t know what I was thinking!)
Forgetting my computer charger = awful. Cost me $145 in dubai to get a universal one. But at least I got one right!
Forgetting towels = stupid. Not sure exactly what I’m going to do about that. . .
Thinking the flash lights I brought would be for gifts = wrong. They are going to be my best friends.

Oh and after being in the car for 10 minutes we got pulled over! It was for something stupid and Francis talked our driver out of the ticket but I must admit, it was very interesting for me. It really is all about talking! The law is so different here. No bribery though! Just honest discussion!

We didn’t get to Gaba till right when it was getting dark. Francis was real sorry about this, but did I care? No way. It was a market day so the place where we get on the boat was absolutely crazy! I wiiiish I could have gotten pictures of this but it just didn’t work. First we pull into the fish area. I don’t even know how to describe it. First off, there was trash everywhere. And a cow eating out of it. (we were in the car throughout all this, don’t worry, you Worriers). Then there were huge wooden box looken things that were actually stoves to smoke the fish. And I mean huge. And then huge piles of fish skin. You can imagine the smell. And then tons and tons of people selling tons and tons of things. And we’re driving through all of this. It was simply too much to take in on my first day.
But we weren’t finished….

Then we get on the boat to go to Bethany Village. This is pretty much the only realistic way to get to where I’m living which is crazy. And awesome. We unload all my stuff onto this large wooden boat. There are pictures of these on the ARM/Bethany Village website if you’re interested. Some others came along with us. I met the first woman I will hopefully get to know more! Sayhi from Ethiopian. Extremely nice. After waiting a long time for various things, we take our night, 20 minute boat ride to Bethany Village.
Mom, its just like riding out on Lake Travis….except in a wooden boat sitting on a 2 by 4! =)
They were all so worried about me “taking a boat ride during the night,” but I loved it! It felt so nice. I must admit though, I am so glad I do not get sea sick or have a weak stomach. After the day I had, riding on that boat at night, I can imagine some people would have a hard time. Praise God he made me the way he did. It was very nice!
I do admit it is a little unfortunate I got here so late. It just made things a little more awkward for introducing and getting settled. And I was soooo tired. It’ll be fine though.

I met my “family.” Twelve absolutely beautiful children ranging from ages 2-13. My house mom is “Auntie Jane.” She seems very nice but her English is not so well so this will probably be an issue for me. I went next door to Uncle Willy and Aunt Milly’s (the director and nurse) for a late dinner. They have 3 kids that are precious. They were shy at first but definitely warmed up to me more than I was even ready for! (I was exhausted.) We ate a “normal” Ugandan meal of beans, beef in a gravy, rice, fried banana, and potatoes. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. I can definitely handle that!

As for describing my living situation, I don’t really know where to start. I don’t want to paint a bad picture….but I must admit it is going to be quite an adjustment for me. The bed is fine and all, its just that. . .first off this mosquito net is a curse and blessing. It makes me feel very protected from the bugs all around. But I think I might be allergic to it or something cause my eyes are freaking out! On fire! Could be something else though.
Well lets just say, I went to bed at 11 and it is 2:30 right now. Why can’t I sleep? Could be the knowledge that there are little bugs all around. (not big scary ones , but annoying little ones that still give you the hibby jibbies) It definitely has to do with the noises: the crickets, the ghekos, the mice(????), the kids making noises like animals, talking in their sleep, snoring, and just moving I guess, random noises that I have no idea how to identify, the weather is okay but im not using covers so that’s different, I had to pee for a good 2 hours before I did anything about it. I guess I just got the creeps and it’ll take some time to get used to.

So the bathroom….wow, my thighs seriously are going to be beast when I come back. Yep, all squatting. Outside. Only flashlights. Flush with a bucket of water. Not even sure where to fill the bucket up. Definitely some bugs in there. Everyone can hear you. Can’t go during sleep time so I get a nice little bucket to pee in during the night. (which I am very grateful for because I admit I don’t really want to go out there by myself at night nor do I want to wake someone up)

Things I’m most worried about:
--language. I can already feel myself getting frustrated by the fact that I don’t know what anyone is saying most of the time. And Francis is the only I’ve met thus far that speaks English really well.
--house mom. I’m just going to need a lot of boldness. And a lot of patience. And prayer that she has favor on me! And that we can figure out how to communicate!
--sleeping. I know it will get better. I just hope the sooner the better.

Things I’m most excited about:
--the children! I just think its gonna be good. Hard. Really hard remembering their names! But really good!
--life really is going to be much more quite and simple. Exactly what I’ve been praying for!
--I really and truly am going to have to depend on the Lord as my best friend. ALL the time. This, too, is what I’ve been praying for. Man, God is faithful….even when you don’t really want him to be…=)

One thing that has been really cool was as soon as we starting driving away from the airport, all of my senses were brought back to my time in Papua New Guinea. The smells, the sights, the life-style. I was having flashbacks like crazy. I only wish I had my PNG friends with me! (Lik LIk bel toko!)
There have been many moments thus far that I have been so thankful for that experience/preparation in PNG. I really do think it is and will help me for my time here.


---next day---
The next day was better. Talked to Francis about what things will look like and all. Was awakened by the kids singing praise songs to the King. It was beautiful. Oh and my house mom wakes up at 3 am to pray and sing because “that is when Jesus prayed a lot and its so quiet. It’s the best time.”
Got my room all set up nicely. Got to know the kids a tad bit more.

A chicken greeted me when I opened my bedroom door in the morning. Its like a pet, just walks around the house.

Honestly, I don’t think im going to be able to write on here much. So I’m sorry this is so long but this will probably have to last you a while. We tried to get the internet last night for an hour when I finally got to gmail and it stopped. So don’t expect much internet communication from me at this point. =( Its got its pros and cons, ya know. But I do hope I get a little better access then thus far.

--3rd day----
I went on a tour of the place today. It is beautiful. Again, reminded of PNG. The internet is awful though. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to put pictures and all of that up. Who knows how much I’ll be on here….i dont think ill be able to put up pics or anything ever which stinks real bad because i simply can not explain things to you in words. the closest thing i can see is if you remember my pics from PNG, that is very similar. it really is so beautiful here though. wonderful weather. nice and quiet and peaceful.

Goodbye!

I leave today! 4:00pm!

Some cool things:

1. I found out a girl from Nashville, in the same stage of life as me, with a very similar heart will be at Bethany Village for at least October and Novemeber, possibly longer! What a blessing.
2. I get a free hotel room in Dubai for my long lay-over!
3. I found out I will actaully be living in one of the children's houses right when I get there, which is exactly what I wanted!

For anyone new to the blog. . .

My hopes for the trip are rather simple:
--To support and empower the native workers and leaders at these different ministries
--To follow the calling the Lord has given me and be blown away by his faithfulness
--To learn how to interact with and love orphans and people of another culture
--To be pushed out of my comfort zone and to learn new skills that can be used to serve others
--To know my Father more deeply by experiencing him through the culture and eyes of Ugandans (Oh if we could all experience the Lord through the lenses of all the different cultures of the world....perhaps that is what heaven will be like?!)

I am going over with no other expectations but these! I am ready to be flexible. To learn much. To grow much. To not know whats going on until it happens!

Thank you all for your support. Thank you for your prayers. I feel loved. I feel blessed. I feel empowered to go! I feel sent. I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Please do pray for my anxiety. I've been totally fine, but I just noticed that the past 2-3 days my body has been ALL knotted and tensed up and I just made the connection that it could possibly be because I'm leaving the country and everyone I love for 6 months, or possibly becasue I've been trying to get a bajillion things done--and I just wasn't aware that my body could do be reacting like that all on its own. =)

I should arrive in Uganda Thursday afternoon. Uganda is 8 hours ahead of Texas time. I will write as soon as I can!

D Webb back in the action of controversy

This has nothing to do with Uganda, so just skip this post if you're just tracking my trip....

Some of you may already be up to date on the Derek Webb news, but for those of you that like him and haven't heard, let me catch you up a bit. So he sends out these email updates to his listserv this past summer and both of them sound incredibly shady. He was saying things to the effect of, "they're trying to shut it down, but I will get this album to you!" You can google it if you're really interesting. But he basically had to shut down his entire site and post-pone his CD release because his record label found a certain song way too controversial. And of course, Derek refers to this particular song as "the most important on the album." In the emails, he could not tell us what the issue was so as you may imagine, we were waiting in suspense to see what the big deal was.

Well, he did it! Its out! Here's the song lyrics:

You say you always treat people like you like to be

I guess you love being hated for your sexuality

You love when people put words in your mouth

'Bout what you believe, make you sound like a freak

'Cause if you really believe what you say you believe

You wouldn't be so damn reckless with the words you speak

Wouldn't silently consent when the liars speak

Denyin' all the dyin' of the remedy

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?

Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?

If I can tell what's in your heart by what comes out of your mouth

Then it sure looks to me like being straight is all it's about

It looks like being hated for all the wrong things

Like chasin' the wind while the pendulum swings

'Cause we can talk and debate until we're blue in the face

About the language and tradition that he's comin' to save

Meanwhile we sit just like we don't give a shit

About 50,000 people who are dyin' today

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?

Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?

So in case you didn't pick up on it, the controversy is about #1. the subject matter being homosexuality and #2. the use of the word 'shit' from a "christian musician."

Is it bad that this cracks me up???

An important point that has been pointed out is the fact that D. Webb is not condoning homosexuality. He has said previously that he, in fact, does not think homosexuality is something we should ignore, nor does he think Jesus was okay with it. What he is dealing with is the way in which Christians deal with the sin of homosexuality--as if it is the only thing that matters, as if we understand what people are dealing with and feeling, with no mercy or compassion. As if we think its just about this "awful act they are committing" instead of SO much more. But I think the main point is that we act like this "issue," this "sin," is the only thing that matters sometimes, or as if this issue along with abortion, drinking, and cursing are the only ones that matter to Jesus or something.

And as for "shit"-- I'm sorry but I just don't think the word "crap" would have had the same effect if he used that instead. Sometimes, when used artistically or to make a point, there are only certain words that can get a certain point across. I could write an entire post on the use, effects, and perspectives on curse words, but I'll save that for another day.

So there's some fun things to be thinking about.....

D. E. N. I. A. L.

yep, how could we live with out him?

I've discovered not only is he a great coping mechanism, but he has become a close friend of mine.

We just kind of ran into each other. I promise I didn't search him out. I just noticed he was right beside me one day. Our meeting, or shall I say, my recognition of him went something like this:

Friend: "So how are you feeling about your trip coming up in 1 month/3 weeks/2 weeks? You nervous? You going to miss everyone? You sad? You excited?"

Me: "Oh. . .well, uh, hmmm. . . . Oh hello, who are you standing right here next to me?"

Mr. Denial: "D.E.N.I.A.L. At your service. I've been here for a while and I'll be accompanying you for the next. . .while."

Me: "Oh well hello, Mr. D.E.N.I.A.L. I didn't notice you."

Mr. Denial: "Yes, I tend to sneak up on people. But don't worry I'm here to help."

Me: "Oh wonderful. So how will you help?"

Mr. Denial: "I will simply not allow you to realize what is really happening in your life, you know, all the implications and emotions that accompany the big life changes you're experiencing. That way it won't be so hard to deal with."

Me: "hmm that's interesting. . . .You sound so nice, but no offense, let's say I happen to want you to leave? Could we take breaks from each other every now and then?"

Mr. Denial: "Perhaps. But you'll have to figure out how to get rid of me because I'm afraid I'm not going to tell you that."

Me: "Hm. Ok, nice to meet you New Companion . . .well friend, to answer your question, I have no idea how I'm feeling about my trip or the fact that I'm leaving the most wonderful people in the world for 6 months that I've intensely lived life with for the past 2 years (and some more than that) and an extremely closely-knit family. It seems that this new companion of mine has kept me from being aware of some things."


=)
Now for all of you that are feeling like that's a little weird and perhaps concerning, don't worry, that was just to be funny.

I'm not actually sure if I am in denial or what exactly is going on. (I don't think I'm in denial. I just deal with things differently than others.) I truly have been just living in the moment. Taking each day as it comes and trying to do what needs to be done for that day and BE with the people I'm with that day. That can not be complete denial because I am very aware that my time with each person is very limited so I am soaking up each moment.

I haven't really felt extremely overwhelmed or scared. A couple of weeks ago I was having lots of moments of realization. I had a couple of days of sadness and not wanting to let go of the incredible relationships I have. Or think about missing the holidays with my wonderful family. But then I think Mr. Denial found me again. Or perhaps I just realized how hard it is, dealt with it, felt the emotions, then accepted it. (I think that's the truth.)

But this past week I've had to say lots of goodbyes. And I have had lots of people ask me how I'm feeling about leaving so soon. All that good stuff. And then that's when I realized maybe I do like a little bit of denial. I joke about being in denial all the time, as I am doing in this post, but the hidden line of truth shows up in the goodbyes.

I hate goodbyes.

Hate them.

I really just like to say "see you later." Why can't we always just say that?

I've been saying that to many people and then when I get to the "later" part, I have to pause, and then I just choose to say "in a while." That comforts me. I can move on and not be faced with the fact that I probably won't see this person for 6-7 months. Possibly never again. This possibly could be the end of our relationship, in a sense, simply because I don't know what our lives may look like in 6 months. All of that starts to invade me as I say goodbye to people, but then my sweet little companion, Mr. Denial, comes in and says "see you later! You'll see them again soon, Juliette! It's just a normal goodbye. Don't think about all the implications."
Then all is well.

Just so you all know: If I don't seem dramatic enough at our goodbye, or don't seem to be showing the proper emotion, it is simply because Mr. Denial has a very loud voice inside my head and all I hear is "You'll see them again soon. It's just a normal goodbye!" And I can't hear all the sad things about the situation. But don't worry, it comes later--when I am sitting alone and I allow myself to think about what it will be like to be gone and I have enough energy to silence Mr. Denial's voice.

Much of this is all in jest, with a little truth woven in, but the real truth is the simple fact that I know the Lord has me in the palm of his hand and I am filled with nothing but peace when I think about my trip, even when I think about the many potential concerning things, because I know the trip was set up in the Spirit. The Spirit is going ahead of me, will be with me, and is with me now. I know I will be exactly where he wants me and I know I am currently exactly where he wants me. I truly do get very sad when I think about being separated from "my people's" lives, and I know that is a good thing to experience. What a blessing to have so many wonderful people to be sad about!

The fact is, I am content with where the Lord has me, the town I've been in, and the people he has put in my life. I'm not searching for anything different. The Lord has given me exactly what I need because he is my loving Father who wants the best for me. But I believe that the next part of his plan for me is to go to Uganda. I'm not 100% sure why (can we ever be?), and I'm not sure what comes after that. I am excited to be there, but I am sad to leave here. As much as I hate the pain involved in leaving relationships I hold so dearly, in the words of a wise woman I know: the pain is part of the beauty. the joy now is part of the pain later and without the pain now, there would be now joy later.

I will embrace them both!

This is all part of the journey. The beautiful journey He's taking me on of growth, dependency, transformation, peace, and deep, deep love.

Some more interesting Differences

MORE HAS BEN ADDED TO THIS POST. IF YOU'VE ALREADY READ IT, LOOK FOR THE RED

This post requires you to have read the previous post. . .So if you want to read this very interesting post, go check out the previous one. If not, skip it all!

Now let's continue with some differences between Africans and Westerners according to the book "African Friends and Money Matters"

--When an American needs money, he works for it. When an African needs money, he talks for it.

My friend Ryan, who has spent much time in Africa, made a comment about this observations in the comment section of this post and I think it is worth posting on here to clear things up.
"I think the jest of what he is getting at with that statement is that Westerners are usually too prideful to ask for help, so we just work and work and work until we can provide what we need. Whereas, Africans usually don't have that level of pride when it comes to finances." This is true. I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression that Africans do not work for what they need, because from what I know, from what the book points out, and as Ryan points out, they certainly work very hard. This observation is referring more to emergency situations that come up in life, not meeting the day-t0-day needs of life.

Africans are very sensitive and alert to the needs of others and are quite ready to share their resources.

Being involved financially and materially with friends and relatives is a very important element of social interaction for Africans whereas Westerners distrust friendships that regularly include financial or material exchanges.

Africans assist their friends who are in financial need as a form of investment for those future times when they themselves might have needs. This arrangement constitutes a virtual banking or savings system.

(This really is so interesting to me. This is just a COMPLETELY different mindset than what we have. We both have forms of savings, investment, credit, etc--ours just depends on non-personal, big institutions while theirs is personal and relational. Again, I am not saying one is better than the other. I'm just saying that I find the difference interesting and I wish there was a way to blend the two.)

--Africans do not want to be independent or autonomous. They want to live in interdependent community. They want to share material goods—both receiving and giving—with those near them. People are generous with others. Sharing and equality between close friends in the rule, not the exception.

(This is obviously a very broad generalization, because we know there are many Africans these days who are wanting to be more and more independent. I think the main point here is that overall, in general, as a culture, almost all African cultures are extremely interdependent and communal.)

-- Westerners readily share their knowledge but are possessive of things and space. Africans are possessive of their knowledge but readily share their things and space.

Africans avoid being alone. They prefer to work in groups while farming, or on the job in the city, or in the kitchen—in fact, during virtually all the time not spent sleeping. If an individual ahs a preference for being a lone to a noticeable extent, he or she is considered strange, antisocial, or even to be feared.

Westerners who have lived in Africa sometimes ask, ‘Do Africans have no need for privacy?’ I believe they do, but I would argue that their privacy generally takes the form of thought privacy. My experience has been that Africans do not verbally express many things that Westerners express without hesitation.

In contrast, westerners share their thoughts and knowledge much more freely than do Africans. The Internet and the countless scientific journals that publish the latest in research findings are examples, reflecting Western values. One of these is the belief that society will benefit from a free sharing of information.
(EX: asking athletes how they felt right after winning; media asking a family how does it feel to lose your house to the tornado, blogs, facebook, etc.)

(This is going to be very interesting for me. I definitely fit the typical Westerner in this case, though I have been trying for a few years now to be more of a typical Jesus follower (not necessarily African) who is not possessive with my things or space. But i also want to continue readily sharing knowledge as well. Maybe not so much in the form of facebook. . . but I suppose blogging is okay. =) I have learned about this difference in books I have read previously, so I am very interested to see this lived out.)

There are many, many more things I could share from this book, but no need to overwhelm. These are just the big ones that I found the most interesting and most different. Do with it what you will.

I had an encouraging conversation with a friend of mine yesterday who's parents were born and raised in Ghana, Africa. His parents moved here many years ago and he was raised here. He said that he read these past two post and thought something to the effect of "So this is why my parents and I have had so many communication problems over the past 18 years!" He referred to the ambiguous communication that they express with him and how all he longs for them to get t to point, be direct, just say it like it is! He also feels the tension of their desire for interdependency and his for independence. He said they tried to instill much of that in him, but he grew up going to public school and there just wasn't much hope for some of those African characteristics to break through what he was learning from his Western peers. Anyways, I just found this conversation incredibly interesting due to the fact that he saw all of these differences in one household in America.

Some differences between Africans and Westerners

As I mentioned in my last post, this book is wonderful. It is extremely insightful, practical, and sociological--3 of my favorite things. =)

I thought I would share some of the highlights from the book about the differences between African culture and Western. Note: yes, these are generalizations. Nothing is "across the board" when talking about groups of people. And we never use 'never' or 'always.' The guy who wrote this has lived in many different African countries for over 30 years. It was written in 2001. He does a great job of not lifting one culture above the other but simply observing characteristics of African cultures and how they differ from their Western counterparts.

The following is almost completely verbatim from the author, with a few of my own inserts. . . .

(Note: I would say the two underlying differences running throughout all 99 observations is the fact that African culture is founded on interdependence/ solidarity and ambiguity, whereas Western culture is founded on independence and directness/certainty.)


--Africans find security in ambiguous arrangements, plans, and speech. . . Westerners find security in clearly defined relationships, arrangements, plans, and speech.

Ambiguity is an art in Africa. Africans speak naturally, with eloquence, and without hesitation or stumbling over words, but their language is often imprecise and their numbers inexact.

Westerners like to “lay their cards on the table,” “face the facts,” “call a spade a spade.”
The confrontive, direct approach that many of us have been trained in is inappropriate here. First of all, you won’t pick up what people are trying to tell you. Secondly, people will find you offensive.

"The westerner who would want to resolve a problem in one minute [directly stating the facts of a problematic situation and getting right to the point] and with a handshake without dialoguing, would leave a residual feeling of animosity. Dialogue is the solution to many problems. Some people say Westerners communicate but do not dialogue. In communication a no is a no and a yes is a yes. What counts is that the other person comprehends the message that is being transmitted. In dialogue, on the other hand, the heart of the matter is looked for, going beyond the words to address the feelings and the passions. Dialogue is therefore stronger than communication because it permits one to put himself in the place of the other, to understand from the interior and not just the exterior."
[Written by an African]

(This is probably the most concerning observation for me personally because it is going to effect my day-to-day, moment-to-moment life there. Anyone who knows me knows I am one of the most direct, get-to-the-point type of person they know. I am not very good at casual conversation. I want to get to the meat! I ask direct, specific questions. I have been trying to get better at this direct approach, and I feel that I have, but I think/hope I will experience an extreme amount of growth in this area.)


--Africans are more hospitable than charitable and Westerners are more charitable than hospitable. Charity is defined here as giving that is impersonal and planned. Westerners give billions to charitable organizations, but individually may not want to offer a meal to someone not invited or planned for. Africans will offer a meal to all who drop in, but give little to charities.

I found this observation very interesting. I already have a distaste for our oh-so-impersonal way of giving. Let other people do the hard, life-changing work while we just write a check. (I'm not condemning writing checks to charities, I'm just wondering if there is a better way.. . .like, should our charity stop when we cross our X's on the check?) If we ALL personally knew, loved, and took care of the people all around us who are in need, would we have a need for charities? Or maybe the reason why so many Americans just write big checks is because they just do not know anyone in need. Which is a huge problem in itself. . . Anyways, this is one of those observations that makes me want to figure out to have a culture that takes the hospitality from Africans and charity from Americans and make something beautiful. =)

--Success in life for Africans is attained through personal relationships, through connections with people in positions of power and authority whereas success in life for Westerners is attained through ability, hard work, education, delayed gratification, established within the framework of a just society.

Americans often fail to recognize how much their realization of personal success is dependent upon elements outside themselves: educational and employment opportunities, a dynamic and entrepreneurial economy, stability of government, the rule of law, and countless other factors.

More to come in the next post.....