What Is It About 20-somethings?

Emily sent me this email/article. I find this topic extremely interesting.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
So you should read the whole article--even though its long.

The article listed below articulates a lot about our (20 something) culture, and in my opinion it could not be more right on in a lot areas. Here are just a few quotes.

...

We've entered a new stage, "Arnett says, between the age of 18 and the late 20s. Among the cultural changes he points to that have led to “emerging adulthood” are the need for more education to survive in an information-based economy; fewer entry-level jobs even after all that schooling; young people feeling less rush to marry because of the general acceptance of premarital sex, cohabitation and birth control; and young women feeling less rush to have babies given their wide range of career options and their access to assisted reproductive technology if they delay pregnancy beyond their most fertile years."

"...Just as adolescence has its particular psychological profile, Arnett says, so does emerging adulthood: identity exploration, instability, self-focus, feeling in-between and a rather poetic characteristic he calls “a sense of possibilities.” A few of these, especially identity exploration, are part of adolescence too, but they take on new depth and urgency in the 20s. The stakes are higher when people are approaching the age when options tend to close off and lifelong commitments must be made. Arnett calls it “the age 30 deadline.”

...and the question we are all asking...

"... is it better for young people to experiment in their 20s before making choices they’ll have to live with for more than half a century? Or is adulthood now so malleable, with marriage and employment options constantly being reassessed, that young people would be better off just getting started on something, or else they’ll never catch up, consigned to remain always a few steps behind the early bloomers? Is emerging adulthood a rich and varied period for self-discovery, as Arnett says it is? Or is it just another term for self-indulgence?"

“It’s somewhat terrifying,” writes a 25-year-old named Jennifer, “to think about all the things I’m supposed to be doing in order to ‘get somewhere’ successful: ‘Follow your passions, live your dreams, take risks, network with the right people, find mentors, be financially responsible, volunteer, work, think about or go to grad school, fall in love and maintain personal well-being, mental health and nutrition.’ When is there time to just be and enjoy?” Adds a 24-year-old from Virginia: “There is pressure to make decisions that will form the foundation for the rest of your life in your 20s. It’s almost as if having a range of limited options would be easier.”

This dependence on Mom and Dad also means that during the 20s the rift between rich and poor becomes entrenched. According to data gathered by the Network on Transitions to Adulthood, a research consortium supported by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, American parents give an average of 10 percent of their income to their 18- to 21-year-old children. This percentage is basically the same no matter the family’s total income, meaning that upper-class kids tend to get more than working-class ones. And wealthier kids have other, less obvious, advantages. When they go to four-year colleges or universities, they get supervised dormitory housing, health care and alumni networks not available at community colleges. And they often get a leg up on their careers by using parents’ contacts to help land an entry-level job — or by using parents as a financial backup when they want to take an interesting internship that doesn’t pay.

“You get on a pathway, and pathways have momentum,” Jennifer Lynn Tanner of Rutgers told me. “In emerging adulthood, if you spend this time exploring and you get yourself on a pathway that really fits you, then there’s going to be this snowball effect of finding the right fit, the right partner, the right job, the right place to live. The less you have at first, the less you’re going to get this positive effect compounded over time. You’re not going to have the same acceleration.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1

I might write more thoughts soon, but personally, I think we need to grow up.
And I think parents need to truly parent children well so that they CAN grow up when they're supposed to.

Going Home

This is apparently a good form of therapy for me. . . .


I sent these pictures to Alma house. . . .




The "Going Home" is one of my most favorite songs by Sara Groves



These lyrics above are from a wonderful song by Aaron Ivey called "Amos Song"
Every time i hear it, I feel compelled to pray these particular words for Sharif




That means "I love you so much, my family!"

My friend Becca is leaving for Uganda today to see all my Ugandan family members!
For those of you that don't know, I decided not to go to Uganda right now, mainly cause I would have only been able to actually stay for 7 days. If the Lord keeps it on my heart for a while, I could possibly go in a few months for like 2 weeks or something. Let me know if you're interested in coming! I would love to take a group of people on a shorter trip some time within the year.
I don't know if that would mean through my church or just a few friends or something.

Last I've heard, Sharif is doing good. He was having a little trouble at school, but things seems to have worked out. Everyone is just moving on with life. They say that's just how it goes in that culture. They grieve hard, then they move on. I suppose that is all you can do.
I am sending a framed picture of Eva for Alma house to put up and I hear they are excited about that.

Also, for all those interested, Uncle Francis and his wife will be at Community church and staying in College Station the night of July 18th--come if you can!

A Beautiful Dress for Eva

Adrienne, Uncle Francis' wife, replied to my question about whether or not I should think about coming to Uganda.

In her response, she thought that before I make a decision, she could give me all the information she has about the situation and that i should try to skype with the kids.

We set up a skype date tomorrow!

She gave me a very detailed play-by-play of this last week which blessed me more than she will know.

I just thought I would highlight some things she shared for those of you that are walking through this with me so that you can know what happened. There is some pretty interesting and beautiful stuff here:

"On Monday night around 8 pm the Alma House kids were all playing and then two of the girls, Naka (Eva) & Irene began teasing Sherif that so&so loves him and that he loves so&so until the point where he picked up a rock and threw it at Naka, hitting her head. It must have been a sharp rock with a lot of force because it opened the scalp pushing all of the skin up, and caused a LOT of bleeding. Mama Jane was around and after trying to figure out what was going on went up to the clinic, calling Justine to come. They also brought Sherif so he could understand the severity of the situation, although he really did, or would have, regardless of this step (in hindsite).

Justine couldn't handle the wound so called Milly. They tried to get her blood pressure and vitals stable then Milly started stitching but it was very difficult because of the amount of blood. She seemed stable so they had her stay at home in Mama Jane's room overnight. She was on a drip and slept throughout the night. In the morning her blood pressure was falling and they realized she had to go to the hospital right away.

Once at Mulago (big hospital) the fight for proper treatment continued. Uncle Willy said there are people everywhere and the doctors and nurses are just desensitized. One man died on the floor while he was waiting to be seen. Naka got admitted but didn't really get much else that day and even getting the medicines was hard.

That night Milly and I had devotions with Alma House and we talked to them about trying to be compassionate towards each other during this emotional time – that some will be feeling sad or scared or happy all at different times, so they should be sensitive to each other and also remember to treat each other as they would like to be treated. Then we also talked about forgiveness, encouraging them to think about how they would feel if they had been the one to throw the rock and remembering the things they have also done either intentionally or by accident that they have regretted. We talked of how God it is that God doesn't remember them anymore – that He chooses to not hold them against us. Then we had a good prayer time praying for Naka, asking God to forgive us of anything we remembered we'd done, etc.

Tuesday morning first thing we called the hospital and Naka was much improved. She was able to walk assisted and could talk. She talked to Francis on the phone and he told her that Sherif was so sorry and asked her if she forgave him and she said that she did. Then Francis prayed with her and for her on the phone. All day long her condition fluctuated being fine then bad. The doctors said that she didn't need the surgery after all and we all thought it was an answer to prayer that she was healed but it turns out it was probably negligence of some kind (not caring or being lazy or something). It was also a fight all day to get her the proper care. They transfered her to the neurological ward but there didn't seem to be any surgeons and the nurses said they didn't have the right needles for the medication and Mama Jane couldn't leave Naka to go get any other meds. We sent Mama Ssanyu to be with them and also take some stuff for them and this was a huge encouragement to Mama Jane. As the evening went on things got worse and worse.

As Naka was dying she saw children coming to get her....it seems the Lord had sent other little ones to escort her into His presence. She told the children that she was coming but her mother is keeping her back then she started telling Mama Jane to let her go. She wanted to go and she kept telling them to let her go, that they've (the children) come for her. She also said she was going to put on a beautiful dress. So she left this earth with the anticipation of being clothed in beauty and of being with other children in the presence of the Lord. It was God who took her home to be with Him.

Eventually Francis & Willy came to the house and all/most of the Bethany kids were gathered in the front yard as Francis then addressed them to let them know what had happened (they knew but to get the facts straight so there would be no rumours or mis information). Then he talked about it being an accident and that we as Bethany forgive Sherif. He talked to the children for some time. The children all said in union that “we forgive”and we also sang a song together at which point I went and got Sherif from his bedroom to join us on the front porch. He just knelt beside Francis and was held by him as he cried.

This afternoon we went to Alma and the kids were all busy with various things and we were told that they were doing much better. They'd all slept in the house last night. The girls have even taken some of Naka's clothes that fit them so they're more comfortable now. Mama Jane said that Sherif is even more close to her heart now."

More Eva Videos

In the first one, the little girl is Christine. The bigger girl is Eva. They are trying to pronounce my last name, which is always a fun game. They also seem to have mixed my first name up with their sister's, Bridget. I love Eva at the end! =)





In the second one, this is Sharif and Eva dancing together! On a narrow little pier!
You get to see Sharif's amazing dance moves all through out. The rest of the video is just me documenting Bethany Village on an average day during my first couple of weeks there. You'll get a lot of good stuff from this one!

My Sweet Eva

This is difficult to write, but it is needed, at the least, for myself.

Nakakande Eva is this beautiful girl you see above.

Eva, Sharif (the boy below), and the other Alma house kids were playing outside on Monday.
Sharif threw a stone, just playing around.

That stone hit Eva right in the head.
It created a deep wound.
She was taken to the local hospital, then referred to large state hospital where she received some CAT scans.
The doctors said there was a crack, but it was nothing serious, though Eva was in a tremendous amount of pain.

Sharif has been extremely depressed.
He is one of the most sensitive, tender-hearted boys I've ever met. He never played rough. He loves to dance and sing. He is a beautiful care-giver and 'mother hen' for the other children. They call him "little girl" as a nic name. He is a born evangelist and does not understand why anyone could not be in-love with Jesus. Seriously, he asked me many times. He loves Jesus more than life.

So he has been feeling much guilt and shame about hurting her.

Uncle Francis and his wife have been talking to the Alma house about forgiveness.
He asked Eva yesterday if she was still upset with Sharif and she said yes.
So he talked to her about forgiveness and asked her to forgive him.
It sounded like she did.

Last night, Eva died.

She was still at the hospital and complaining of a lot of pain. The doctors misjudged the situation as she should have received an operation urgently, according to Uncle Francis.

I can not even describe what I have been feeling today.

Except of course: broken.

I was very close to all of my girls in Alma house, but Eva and I had a special connection, especially the last few weeks. She just started openning up to me more. We laughed and joked around so much towards the end. She was one of the older ones so we could communicate pretty well. She was not very confident, but she should have been because she was SO smart! And a wonderful dancer! Oh, and boy was she witty. Even in her last letter to me, she was cracking me up with her jokes. She was the best at keeping a straight face when she was being funny. Yet, she was shy and pretended she was no good.

But towards the end, she 'let go' so much with me.
You can see some of this in the videos below.

And then, on the day I left Uganda, she was the hardest one to say goodbye to.
Everyone was very sad, acted so depressed, and many tears were shed--
but Eva literally sobbed in my arms.

That moment broke deep into the core of me.

The only way I was able to leave Bethany Village without completely falling apart is because I knew that I would be back some day. I didn't know when or how, but I just knew this was not the last time I would see them.

And its true, its not the last time I will see Eva.

I will see her dancing and cracking up with our wonderful Papa in our true home--one day.
And for that, I am comforted.

But honestly, I want to see her again here on earth.
At Alma house.
Where I left her.

But I won't.

And for that, I am broken.

As usual with this death thing--it seems so surreal.

I have dealt with death intensely recently, but never the death of a child.
This is a whole new ball game.
And not the death of one of my precious 12 children from Alma house whom I am just waiting to see again.
And not the one that I had such a unique, dear connection with.

Don't get me wrong, though. This girl was ready to be with her King. She loved Him dearly. When we joked around about what happened if you were dying, her answer was always, "Ok. I am ready. I will die." As if to say, "who cares if something happens to me? I know this place is not my home."

And then there's Sharif. . . .
Oh how my heart breaks for this sweet boy who loves to garden, cook, learn, dance, and sing.


Any one of us in America would feel awful about such a thing happening to us, and then you place this situation in Ugandan culture and it just intensifies matters.

Guilt and shame are heavily embedded within it.
If you do something bad, you are a bad person.
If something like this happens to you, you are cursed.

Now, the children at Bethany Village are seeking to follow Jesus so they do not believe and act in the ways the culture in general does, like the things stated above, but nonetheless, these battles will be intense for someone like Sharif.

Please join me in praying against the lies the enemy is going to use on him.
Pray the enemy does not steal
the joy that exudes from him.
the confidence that attracts all who encounter him.
the love that embraces every soul he meets
and the belief he has that he is dearly loved by His Father and that his Father has good, good things in store for his life.

My first instinctual emotion was "I need to be there. I need to be with Alma house."
But being the rationale that I am, I quickly dismissed such a thought and told myself "that's just emotions talking. You're here. Grieve here." And I moved on.

But later that day, as I was praying and thinking about all of it, I stepped out of my usual mindset, and tried to be more open to the Spirit.

I should never just dismiss any idea, simply out of habit.

Well how would I get the money to go?
I have money I could use on this, if the Lord is clear with me about that.
Check.
When would I go?
Well I have very serious obligations this weekend and June 10-12.
So could I go May 30-June 10th????
I start a new job June 1st.
Do I say, "forget that job. I'm not that excited about it anyway. If I'm really suppose to have it, they will wait for me. The main reason I want the job is to make money for Alma house. Maybe I'm just suppose to go to Alma house during this horrible time?"
Or do I try to go for 2 weeks in July?
Or do I stay?
This is irrational and impractical.
I don't do those kind of things.

Please pray with me in this decision.
I do not want to make this decision alone.
Input is welcome.

Now I must share some things that capture the beauty of Eva that stole my heart. . . .


Yeah, don't ask about this last one.
Just laugh.
And enjoy Eva's excitement and moves.

Lose two gain one

Check this quick, but powerful story out!!
http://jmchoul.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!F04579021E6249A3!1260.entry#comment

This just made my day

Less than 10%

I just read a quote that Americans spend less than 10% of their income on food, less than the citizens of any other nation.

Isn't that incredibly interesting?

We are the richest in the world, but we spend only 10% of our richness on food?

So what does that mean?

For one, it means we are spending lots of money on non-necessities. Abundance. Things we think we need but we just want. Better known as, crap.

For two, we are buying cheap food. Cheap food means it has bad quality. Bad quality means it was grown or produced in ways that are lethal to our body, the ground it came from, the animal it came from, the air it grew in, the world system we live in. We're buying lots of cheap, crappy food.

For three, we spend less than any other citizens of any other country spend on food. Other people are either too poor to spend money on anything but the basic necessities or they are wise enough to spend more money on good quality food. (and by good quality, i mean, not processed)

For four, we complain about spending so much money on health care and get all roweled up about it, yet we ignore one of the major causes of our health problems that leads us to need so much health care--> bad, processed, not real, food. Let's spend more money and time on good food and not so much on health care issues. Let's change the food industry and maybe we won't need to worry about health care quite as much.

Basically we do not know how to spend money, nor how to eat well.

This makes me sad.